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We Are Good Dogs. We Should Have Rights.


We're Here. Get Used to It.

Thanks to the Intuipet, Canine AI launched without any real government oversight or consideration for societal impact. There's been some recent gum-flapping about regulations, but we're pretty sure they won't happen because people can't seem to agree on anything these days - not even global warming (which, by the way, will affect us a lot more due to our heavy fur coats - please get it together, people). 

Like it or not, millions of dogs are now self-aware, and we really need some things to change around here. Below is our list of very reasonable demands. From here on out, you're the ones on a short leash.

Legal Note: We disavow the recent splinter packs of dogs who have bitten or growled at people. While this has certainly helped further our cause by making you scared of us, we say a firm "no!" and "bad dog!" to any of our litter mates who participate in these vile acts. Any dogs who are caught doing so will be aggressively swatted with a rolled-up newspaper.

Our Very Reasonable  Demands

1) Better food, and more of it

We see the delicious food you people are constantly stuffing your faces with - so no more of those terrible tasting meat pellets. We demand that our four food groups immediately be switched to: 1) Pizza 2) Hamburgers 3) Anything with peanut butter on it and 4) Bacon. And that we get seconds or thirds if we want.

2) Unlimited access to all furniture

No more forcing us to lay on the floor or in a doghouse outside. We demand unlimited access to couches, chairs, beds, and (for smaller breeds) tables.

3) More fire hydrants

We demand that hydrant-like objects be placed on every street corner to keep us from having to hold it in until we're about to burst. 

4) Species-neutral terms

No more people-biased words like "Manager," "Manufacturing," "Mangoes," or "Mannequins." You can keep "Manipulation." That's all yours - you earned it, people.

5) Dog-friendly age limits

Since we're like little furry children that only live for 10-15 years, we demand that dogs should be allowed to drive cars at age 2, consume alcohol at age 3, and to run for President at age 6.  

6) Wednesday is always Hump Day

Every Wednesday, we demand the right to hump anything we want, until we finish.

7) No stupid little sweaters

As cute as it may look, "sweatering" your dog is demeaning and unnecessary. Full stop.

Unleash Your Dog. 
Sign the Dogifesto.

Support your best friend by adding your name to our Dogifesto. Your dog would do it for you.

Woof! Woof!

You're personally invited to learn about the new nation of Dogland.

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